A Beautiful Lie
by RouletteDares
Summary: Crellie Oneshot Songfic Follow the Crellie relationship through Ellie's eyes. Could contain season 5 spoilers


-1A Beautiful Lie (Crellie Songfic)

I do NOT own Degrassi, nor do I own the songs used in this FF, "A beautiful lie", by 30 seconds to Mars used for the title or "3 Libras" by a Perfect Circle, lyrics used for this story. I do, however own the CD's which these songs pertain to so I DO own them, partially, in the sense that I've bought them. The CD's that is.

Author's Note: This is a rewrite of the Crellie relationship starting in season five. Story will be written in Ellie's POV/ Oneshot. I haven't completely changed the plot, I may have altered small details, however.

The year has just begun and for some reason I fear that the outcome will be worse than my prior years here at Degrassi. I figure I should just grow up and change my ways, yet I have no real reason to do so. I guess nothing's worked out for me, so maybe if I start new, things would look up. Over the summer I've done so much. I befriended my best friends boyfriend, I've helped him cope with the loss of Ashley, and I discovered new found feelings for him. Not only that, I moved back with my mother and rekindled my bond with her, thanks to the absence of Sean. But it wasn't so bad. She's so far kept her promise and hasn't touched a bottle since I've been around, and I like things this way. What I don't like is the dilemma I'm struggling with day by day, pushing away any possible feelings towards this forbidden crush. Craig gets me, and we have so much in common it's almost scary. We go to the same support group, we share the same passion for art and music, and even friends. Every thing points to go, except for one tiny distraction, Ashley. Ashley, my best friend, who is miles away and oblivious to my feelings towards her boyfriend. I keep them submerged but I doubt that will last long.

_Difficult not to feel a little bit_

_Disappointed and passed over_

Today being Craig's birthday, I've planned something real special for him. I figure just to get the whole gang and cut him a cake at the Dot. Sure it's simple, but Craig is a simple kind of guy. It's something I'd enjoy, so I assume he'd enjoy it as well. I sigh as I revise the plans for the afternoon one more time in my head. Maybe it's simple, but I want it to be perfect. Craig has been through so much, as have I, and he needs a day to relax, to recollect himself. No better day than the celebration of his birth. What will the cake look like? Will every one show? Why am I so paranoid? I guess it's just me, it's always been me. I've always been sort of scared to broaden myself. I've always felt like a shadow, and that's what led me to do things every one disapproved of. I just want to do things right, I just want to be happy. Why is it so hard to keep a smile on my face? My thoughts diminished with the chime of a melodic snip, a message on the computer. Marco's chattering on about something, not of my importance. I gasp- Apparently, my best friend found a boyfriend in England. Right now I'm shocked on a few counts. It's been months since I've last spoken to Ashley, and now she oh so suddenly decides to write. Not to mention she's just broken up with Craig by e-mail, sent to me. This guy she's dating is unbelievably shorter than her and I'm still in disbelief. The one thing that sticks out the back of my mind is Craig's disappointment. I know I shouldn't be happy, though I can't particularly specify what I feel, I just don't have the heart to tell Craig. Not now, not today. How can my best friend BE so selfish?

_Difficult not to feel a little bit_

_Disappointed and passed over_

_When I've looked right through to_

_See you naked but oblivious_

His birthday may have not turned out what I'd hoped, but all truth was told that very day. Atleast by my part. I wanted to tell him that Ashley wasn't worth it, but I'd be stabbing her back as well as his. I just had to let things blow over and be the friend to him that I've been all along. I know that time will heal his broken heart, and bring us together. At least that's what I'd wished. How can I portray my emotions, self consciously, when all I'm worried about is Ashley and Craig? I don't want to ruin my friendship with either and taking this step forward could do harm to any one of us. Maybe if he'd just realize it himself, my feelings for him, he'd go ahead and make the next move. That would probably relieve some guilt from my mind.

_Here I am expecting just a little bit_

_Too much from the wounded._

But nothing. Time passed by and we eventually came to speaking terms once again. I even joined him in his band. Our friendship was progressing since the day I apologized in his basement. It got to a point where I'd melt at his every glance. I'd finally feel smiles come upon my face, thanks to him. But like I've said my smiles always fade. Things took their toll once Manny came along.

_A name_

_In your recollection_

_Down among a million same_

I didn't know what else to do. They'd shared a history together and I was no competition to her. It was almost like each passing day, there was more and more of her. I tried to maintain but I didn't want to lose him to some twit who worshipped the ground he walked on. But hey, maybe that was his thing. It just sucked so bad having to watch my dream guy with some one else. I could have possibly dealt with it, without having to see their sappy love eyes, but each time she came around it was like I was that shadow again. I hated that feeling and I was going to do anything in my power to avoid it. Before we knew it, by some miracle of God, we had a wedding gig to attend to. I was looking forward to it, not only because Craig was completely psyched about it, but more because I'd finally have some alone time to speak to him. I'd spent so much dedicated time preparing a special, snagging look for this wedding. I was willing to put everything aside just for Craig that day. My motives, my style, my pride. But then came Manny, the restriction of all restrictions. I remember the look on his face when I walked up to the van with my drum set. It gave me a sense of confidence that I had never experienced before. When Manny came along, his look was ten times more priceless than that of the one I received and I couldn't bare it. I had to do something drastic before game was over.

_And you don't… see… me_

What did she have that I didn't? I mean, sure she was drop dead gorgeous and had a body any one would kill for, but where was her personality? She had to have had something, after all Craig DID like her. But what was it? Why did SHE get every chance to be happy with him, while I was just left in the wind.. again? As soon as she stepped on stage, I felt desperate. My world was spinning around the perfect image of the two, dancing with each other. I needed a break from this, I needed to breathe in reality. I'm usually not this jealous monster but desperate times.. As soon as the drum stick exited my grasp, I wished I was able to reach for it mid-air and get back to my notes. But what was done had been done, and I wasn't backing down just yet. Manny and I said a few things to one another, things we were both glad to say. The tension stunk up between us all day, and this scene was finally clearing the air. She couldn't just get her way because of her stupid mistakes. But it was happening. Realization brought me back to common sense. This gig was important to Craig and I don't want him to hate me for ruining it so I quickly turned off and walked away. Far away. I didn't know where I was going, or why. Or why I even let this get to me so much. All I knew was that I couldn't be there. He followed me, making it harder for me to disappear. If he hadn't spoken to me, I don't know what I would have done. Probably nothing. Each possible thought that ever stung my lips exited in that kitchen. Maybe I wasn't being upfront or outright to him but I was being true to myself.

_But I threw you the obvious_

_Just to see if there's more behind the_

_Eyes of a fallen angel_

_Eyes of a tragedy_

It happened. They were official, so what was I left to do? Not mourn that's for sure. Maybe it killed me to see them together. Maybe it killed me to think we had a chance and lost it. But there was no battle to fight. Not anymore, Manny won, hands down. It was time for me to move on. I knew very well that no matter how many times I'd repeat it to myself, my feelings for Craig could never go away. How could they? Altogether he was a great guy, and if he didn't change, my feelings wouldn't either. I might not think Manny and he belonged, but the fact of a matter was that they were together, and I respected that. We kept our friendship, which was one of the main things I valued. Maybe he wasn't my boyfriend, but did I really NEED to give him that title?

_But I see, see through it all_

_See through_

_See **you**_

Months passed and Craig and Manny were still a couple. Surprising? I thought so. It's obviously not meant for me to be happy, I've been sucking it up for so long. Our bands' show case would be in two days and it means the world to Craig. He put aside everything, studying, Manny.. Everything. I'd just have to shut everything out once again, and put my all into this, for Craig's sake. Of course, our band isn't as great as Craig's talent alone and practice in our case barely makes us perfect. But for some reason, Craig believes he can't do it by himself. And if he truly feels that, then by all means I'd be here to support him. The problem is what happens after?

_Oh well_

_Apparently nothing_

_Apparently nothing at all._

After the show case, it was brought to our attention by our new manager, Leo, how awfully coordinated we were. Of course, the off beat target was pointed at me, and the pressure was beginning to make me sick. I'd never felt so useless while trying and Leo's words weren't making it any easier. I was watching how much this meant to Craig, how much he pushed me to be better. To do it for the band. Then it hit me. All my life everything was always about being better, when in reality I am who I am and it doesn't get better than that. Even though Leo's words were hurtful, they were true. I wasn't worth ruining Craig's future, not worth ruining Craig's relationship with Manny. And it was beginning to look like I was at fault to all of it.

_Threw you the obvious_

_And you flew with it on your back._

Everything was coming together. It was always about making him happy. It was me, being this shoulder for him. There's a saying, "If you love someone let them go." I let him go. I let him go to Manny and that was all the strength I needed. I forced a smile for a reason, I gave him advice, I comforted him, everything.. It was all for a reason. I had to let him go. But this time, for real. I held my tears for a final time while I watched his distorted smile. Craig felt the need to let every thing sink down the drain, but I was not going to let that happen. A fairy tale life **never** comes true. "What about you?" He asked me. What about me? Had I ever been happy? No. Why is this any different. I've already said bye to Craig so this means nothing. If he goes through with the show, he could be off to Vancouver for months. And as much as it hurts for him to leave, I've hurt worse. None of it amounts to the happiness of seeing him go. Because I know that he's finally going to be happy, and if he's happy, so am I. "I'll just say good-bye. Because I have to."

_You don't_

_You don't_

_You don't see me at all._


End file.
